Dear Undergraduates...

Dear Undergraduates,

It has come to my attention that many of you have chosen to celebrate the coming of autumn by donning unattractively formless sheepskin boots of the Ugg variety and shuffling around campus like a horde of denim-clad zombies. Perhaps you failed to read my previous missive on this subject?

While I understand the need to keep one's feet warm, might I suggest that your precious Uggs would last longer if a) you lifted your feet clear of the ground when moving your legs forward and b) you left the boots at home and wore some more sensible (and less ugly) footwear instead. You'll also be doing yourself a favour; your feet are visibly pronate, and there's a world of pain awaiting you if you don't fix that. Did your mothers never tell you about the importance of good footwear?

Also, be aware that I am considering fitting spinning blades onto the wheels of the garklet's pushchair, with twin aims in mind. First, you'll learn to make way for the pushchair on the bus, and secondly, it'll damage your precious Uggs and force you to wear something less ugly. It'll also give the garklet a bit of a laugh, so I'm sure you'll appreciate his exclamations of 'uh oh' as you collapse to the ground in agony.

No love,

Me