"Put down that wrench!"

Scene: I was taking the garklet for a haircut, and we happened to pass a church that was ringing for matins. He asked why the bell was ringing, and misheard 'matins' as the name of one of his friends who moved to Cambridge last year (who I shall refer to as M). The important thing to note is that M is the child of a lesbian couple.

garklet:

Where M?

nmg:

M's in Cambridge.

garklet:

Why M in Cambridge?

nmg:

Because his mummies got jobs in Cambridge.

garklet:

What about him daddy?

nmg:

I don't know - M lives with his two mummies.

garklet:

No, M not got two mummies. M got a mummy and a daddy.

nmg:

No, M has two mummies. Remember, you saw them both at G's house earlier in the year. And you saw them when you went to M's birthday party. And you saw them almost every day when they picked M up from nursery.

garklet:

*upset* No, M got a mummy and a daddy. M not got two mummies. You pooey!

nmg:

I'm not pooey! Not all little boys and girls have a mummy and a daddy; some have two mummies, like M, and some have two daddies.

garklet:

*very upset* NO! YOU WRONG! YOU POOEY! M GOT A MUMMY AND A DADDY! pthpthpthpt!

nmg:

On that we'll have to disagree.

I mean, what else can you do in this situation?

Bumped into hobbitdave while waiting for the bus with ias and the garklet after work today. Cue the following conversation after Dave left:

garklet

Why that hobbitdave?

nmg

Well, that's his name.

garklet

Where is hobbitdave going?

nmg

He's on his way home to see gnommi.

garklet

Why?

nmg

Because he's gnommi's boyfriend!

garklet

Why he gnommi's boyfriend?

nmg

Because they like each other a lot. That's why they live together.

garklet

*nods sagely*

garklet

I think they need a boy.

nmg

Pardon?

garklet

I think they need a boy.

nmg

What kind of boy? A little boy, like you?

garklet

Yes. They need a little boy like me.

nmg

*reads article about the X-37B

garklet

*looks over shoulder at pictures*

garklet

That rocket not for people.

nmg

That's right, it's an unmanned spacecraft.

garklet

That rocket not for people because it not got a toilet.

nmg

o_O

An account of a conversation while waiting at bus stop with ias and the garklet:

garklet

My¹ like coiley-wotey.

ias

What's coiley-wotey?

garklet

Coiley-wotey!

nmg

Colley Wotty?

garklet

Coiley-wotey!

nmg

What sort of a thing is coiley-wotey!

garklet

*pause* Coiley-wotey!

ias

He's making this word up.

nmg

Are you making this word up? Is this another silly word?

garklet

No, coiley-wotey!

ias

How big is coiley-wotey?

garklet

*looks confused*

ias

Is coiley-wotey big or small?

garklet

Coiley-wotey!

ias

He's just saying that! Stop saying that!

nmg

*has flash of inspiration* What colour is coiley-wotey?

garklet

Grey.

nmg

*thinks* What sort of animal is coiley-wotey?

garklet

He a woof, chase roadroader. Roadroader goes beep-beep!

ias

Aha! He's a wolf! You're talking about Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner, aren't you?

garklet

Yes, my like coiley-wotey.

nmg

That's Wile. E. Coyote. Can you say it after me? Wile E.

garklet

Coiley-wotey.

nmg

*sighs*

1. This is a persistent verbal tic that he's had for the last six months. My, how we've tried to cure him of it.

ias recounted a conversation that marklesuk had with Thea, on the subject of apes and monkeys, which got me browsing aimlessly through Wikipedia. I came across an article on Yerkish, an artificial language designed in the 1970s for use by non-human primates, principally chimpanzees. Yerkish has a vocabulary of symbols (lexigrams) which are used to label buttons on a keyboard, and has a relatively complex grammar. The paper referenced in the Wikipedia article (a scan of a microfiche version of a typed paper original) has an appendix of conversations with Lana (the first chimpanzee to have learned Yerkish) that were so close to conversations that I've had with the garklet that I think they merit reposting.

Now with explanatory photographs:

Mice! Cloc bic! Crunz! Binz!

Karkul! Lionu! Ahhh! (sticks tongue out) Rar!

Illustrated courtesy of the Bus Slogan Generator.

(note: "cloc bic, meece" appears courtesy of Bagpuss)

The words have been coming thick and fast, and it's been quite a while since I last tried to list his vocabulary, so this is not going to be an exhaustive effort. In general, his spoken vocabulary is less than half the size of his understood vocabulary, and he's adding 5-10 new spoken words a week at the moment. Words he knows:

• Most of his body parts, although he has a tendency to get 'cheeks' mixed up with 'chicks'. He also has the alarming habit of poking himself in the eye whenever he says 'eye.
• Clothes. He says 'shoes', 'socks' and 'jumper' quite clearly.
• A lot of vehicles. We've heard him say 'car', 'van', 'lorry', 'bus', 'train', 'railway', 'aeroplane', 'bike' and 'fire engine', and he can do reasonable impressions of them all. I've probably missed quite a few here, since vehicles are the Best Thing Ever.
• Animals: 'cat' (obviously), 'dog', 'cow', 'dinosaur', 'spider'. Probably many that I've missed.
• Quite a lot of foodstuffs, mostly things that are close to his heart: 'ham', 'cheese', 'yoghurt', 'bread', 'peas', 'butter', 'peanut butter', 'apple', 'banana', and 'biscuit'. He also knows 'carrot', which was a bit of a surprise, and 'tomato', even though he won't eat them.
• Assorted furniture. 'chair', 'bath', possibly 'table'.
• Bath time: 'sponge' and 'towel'.
• A few scattered verb phrases, the most notable of which is 'come on !'
• 'No'. Yes, we're reached that point, and we're starting to get frequent mild tantrums.

A few updates since last time:

dog

A dog. After an enjoyable cream tea at the Station House in Burley last weekend, he's finally worked out that not all furry quadrupeds are cats. This was helped by the three dogs that were sitting near us - after about an hour of 'no, that's a dog', he seemed to get the difference. This is of course a phenomenally interesting thing to have happened; I teach my students about various concept learning algorithms, and it's great to see the young lad starting to compete with the cutting edge of 1980s AI.

sboo

A spoon. He said it twice while waving a spoon at me, and that counts, dammit. Also, nursery seem to think that he's been saying it for a bit.

bow

A bowl. Pronounced like the thing you tie in a bit of string, and distinct from 'bow' (rhymes with 'cow'), which is the noise made when you throw something.

bada

Butter.

Up rather early this morning with the sound of a vomiting garklet. Cot disinfected, garklet bathed, and laundry on, and it's still not yet 7am. Still, at least he's still cheery.

Anyway, as much for our benefit as for yours, here's the young lad's current (consistent) vocabulary, as well as we can make it out.

gat

Any furry, four-legged mammal, most commonly a cat.

dak, duk

A bird, most commonly a duck.

dada

Daddy. Or Mummy. Or Alex. Or, in fact, any person.

bana

Banana.

baya

A vehicle (including aeroplanes)

bala

Aeroplane

bu-bow

Bubble. Or any round, see-through and pretty thing (raindrops on windows, etc).

buk

Book.

lo, elo, iya

Hello.

bye-a

Goodbye.

bow

The noise made by something falling or being thrown.

baw

A ball, or something which can be thrown.

uh oh

1. Oh dear, something has fallen down. It may have been an accident, but it's more likely that I did it on purpose.

2. Oh dear, something is not right. Also used when someone sneezes.

da

That, the thing that I am pointing at. Why do my stupid parents not understand what I'm saying to them?

Given this, it's hardly surprising that one of his favourite books (if not his absolute favourite) is the wonderful Sadie the Airmail Pilot, which features a cat who flies planes. Things don't get better than this for the under-twos, it seems.